From Birdie Nest

Sunday, August 12, 2012

I'm back...battle weary...but back!

Wow...I can't believe it's been so long since I have posted. 

Sorry, but my life had taken a turn on the "merry-go-round" of life.  Let's just say I fell off and hit the ground {really} hard!  Now that I have gotten back up and dusted myself off, {with many scrapes and bruises} I will attempt to record it all here.  Hopefully and prayerfully it will encourage someone else who is going through a hard time and just needs a bit of hope to hang on to.

Dec. 2011:
I had been working at the little store in town and was really enjoying it, when I decided to get another help bring in more money.  Dog-gone money!  Anyway, I had accepted a position at a doctor's office up town and was doing both until my contract ran out at the end of December.  I was still going to sell items through the store but couldn't keep up with that plus being mom/wife/and now working 25 hours.
I enjoyed my new job, but felt overwhelmed with the hours and not having the time with hubby I was used to on our every other Friday together.  Plus, my house was a mess and regular chores weren't being kept up with either.  I was "give out"!
Birdie was still doing great, but, I think I was starting to 'melt down'.  Too much on my plate & not able to cope with it all at once.  I was a mess...crying often at the slightest thing and touchy and fatigued.  I had heard several people say they had seen a "Christian counselor" in town and that she was wonderful.  So, I talked to her briefly and got scheduled.  Boy, I had no idea how much I needed to vent and cry!  I cried a river of tears.  You could say 14 years worth.  Now I had someone I could talk with besides hubby about our bird;  the struggles we faced, all the years of hard times, all the {stuff} we have been through and she could see how all this had taken its toll on me.
So, my solution was to quit the job and be broke.  Just 'be mom', not a work-outside-the-home mom.  But somewhere in the marbles rolling around in my head, something said I needed that job.  Sanity, social interaction, a little extra money.  But hubby felt I should quit too, couldn't take the nut case his wife had become...I went in to give my notice and they asked why.  I gave a brief explanation and they suggested I cut back my hours.  Duh!  We talked and prayed about that for a couple of days and I decided to keep the job, went down to 12 hours.  Aaahhhh!  Much better on my mental state and the state of our home life.

But, there had been so many changes in our life and I just could not deal with one more thing/change. precious Tori died (in November-right before Thanksgiving).  I honestly think that is what finally tipped the scale and sent me over the edge.  I thought it was something I would get over and just move on.  Apparently not!!  That was so hard on birdie, us too, but I didn't realize what a huge part of our life Tori occupied, until there was that void.  Then, other things started to show themselves to me that hurt my heart.  I cried out to God to help me "get over" this.  But thankfully my counselor showed me that it took 14 years to get to this point, you don't just turn it off like a switch.  So medication helped, I just felt like a failure to "need" meds to cope with the life God had blessed me with.  **Important note**  I never once regreted my life or the people in it.  Just wanted to run away from it for awhile.  I was, and will always be, very needed...with a special needs child.  That is just the way it works.  Plus, I adore her so much it hurts, and that she is growing up in some areas and not in others makes it hard to wrap my mind & heart around.  See, I was a mess.

In February we got a new (to us) puppy.  She is a 2 and a half year old Lhasa Apso mix and has brought lots of fun and spunk to our lives.  Still miss our Tori, but this little toot has kept us/mostly me busy.  Her name is Kenzie.  She looks a lot like Tori, except she is a shorty.  She loves birdie and birdie loves her, but also hard for birdie to grasp that Kenzie hasn't replaced Tori.  Tori was old and tired and is waiting for us in Heaven.  Kenzie has brought lots of smiles and sharp little teeth marks to our lives...

Well, this has been an exhausting post.  I will have plenty more to share, but for now, at least you know what I've been up to.  Clingin' to Jesus!

Serving Him,


Thursday, September 22, 2011

Oh Happy Day!

One of my very dear friends came into the shop today, just to see it, my booth and to (of course) say "hi".  It was so nice getting to chat a minute with her.  We are in a Bible study group {have been for about 10 years}, and we break for summer and the month of December.  So we haven't gotten to chat as much as we would like over the last few months.  {Actually, several of my Bible study friends have come these ladies!!!}
Plus...she bought my little squirrel tassel.  That made my day!  It makes me glad that my friends like my stuff.  'Cause these ladies have style, and then some!

Then, while she was here the bus dropped birdie off, that was a sweet visit as well.  Birdie loves my friend and vice versa, so they chatted a moment and my friend commented on birdie's outfit, and how cute she was.  Well, I have to make sure she goes off to middle school in style, don't ya know!  Plus, birdie was wearing MY shoes to school.  Oh how she is growing, will probably pass me very, very the shoe department.  She has already passed me in the height dept.  Oh well, everyone knew this day would come.

Our bathroom is almost done!  The tile is pretty much done, so now hubs needs to put in the vanity/sink, the new light, and the faucets.  I need to touch up the paint before he gets to, can you guess what we will be doing this weekend?  It will be so wonderful to have our bathroom back, and usable.  Having to share one bathroom has been tricky and makes us grateful for 2 full baths, even indoor plumbing.  We take bathrooms and so many other things for granted, don't we?  It will then snowball into..."birdie's bath could use an udated look, the kitchen definitely needs to be updated, and so many other house projects".  You know how it goes.  One project leads to another, and so on...The other projects will have to wait their turn 'cause there are many more pressing items on the 'said' list.  Ah, the joys of home ownership.  Well, there will be pictures as soon as it is complete.  Look forward to it being pretty and new and the decorating.  So stay tuned...

Until then,
Serving Him,


Friday, September 16, 2011

Try Something New!

Hi Y'all,
Do you ever find yourselves in a rut?  I think I am in a big one, maybe even a raveen!  What I mean by this is I know there are certain things that must get done, need to be done and yet I still don't do them, or put them off as long as possible until it is an emergency.  Well almost.  Like the stinkin' dishes.  I hate doing our dishes.  Gimmie a minute to complain, if you don't mind.  We are, yes blessed, to have a working dish washer, but it is old and yucky.  Doesn't dry the dishes like it was originally intened to do, so I have to pretty much towel dry most of the items before I put them away.  {Don't you feel sorry for me?}  If I were less OCD I would just slap the dishes in the cabinet and be done.  But NO!  I am compulsive, so it has to be done just so.  So, basically I am my own problem here.

Also, while I'm dear sweet birdie is always MESSIN' with my stuff.  It is a constant battle, (I'm sure 99.9% of you can relate).  I had a super tantrum last night over her leaving a highlighter - open - on the guest room bed.  Of course by the time I noticed it, it had bled through the comforter.  To her saving grace, it was a pink highlighter, which blends into the print on the comforter.  I tried to use the tide stick on it, which just made the area spread.  Grrr and many more unpleasantries!!!  I know it is just a thing, but I am constantly telling her to leave my things alone.  I had the highlighter out from using it on my Bible study, so she proceeds to pick it up and {mess} with it, leaving it open. 

Well, I keep thinking to myself, one day this will no longer happen...or will it?  You see, she will most likely always be with us or be very close by.  Hubs and I are recognizing this more and more as she gets older.  I always figured she would get easier to handle/deal with as she grew up.  You know, no more feeding, changing, carrying her, etc.  Yes, those things are easier, but, I still have to do many things for her, or at least be there to lend a hand, or things just don't/won't happen.  Like bathing.  Sounds simple enough, right?  Well, not so.  I need to do it because hubs is uncomfortable now and rightly so.  Plus, she is showing modestly - sort of.  And bath/shower is a chore.  She hates to do it but eventually gets in, and it is honestly easier for me to just do it.  She will say, on occasion, "I'll do it myself".  So, she shows some effort, but I need to still be there so I make sure the shampoo gets out all the way or to remind her to scrub this spot or that spot.  It justs seems to take forever, and now that she is gettting older and is in P.E. everyday, she needs one everyday.  Also, her hair is so thin and it looks greasy/stringy if is doesn't get washed.  Needless to say, there have to be lots of verbal reminders and even showing her these things that need to be done.

This is just a whiny day for me, so please forgive me.  But on occasion, I need to let it out.  I have been very bad about not exercising.  That would be a much better way to let out my frustrations, and I wouldn't be so sluggish and squishy.  I pray for energy and the drive to move, get active.    I have said it before, and I'll say it again.  I am in a funk!  I need to snap out of it and "Move to Lose".  That is a phrase Chris Freytag uses in her DVDs/books to motivate.  I need her to come to my house and do it with me, ya know, make me get off the couch/computer and workout.  Get it over with and I know I would feel so much better throughout my day.

Well, enough complaining for one day.  I need to go empty the darn dishwasher and man-up to my chores.  Once this house is put back together, (the bathroom being re-done, remember), I'll give this house a super-duper cleaning.  I need a magic wand to wave, and's sparkly and done!  Now I'm just to do my chores.

Oh, about the title, trying something new.  If you have any suggestions for me as to how to get past this slump/funk I'm in, please share.  I need to workout regularly and keep up on the chores better.  So send me some tips to cheer up and shape up!!

Pardon the down-ness of my post, just reality...What I really need to do is:  take it to the Lord in prayer.

"Is anything too hard for the Lord?"  Genesis 18:14

Until next time,
Serving Him,

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

From Birdies Nest...The BOOTH

Howdy y'all.  I've been MIA lately, since I was getting my booth ready.  It has already seen changes.  You may remember me saying I was getting it ready...well birdie let me use her vanity/desk as my booth, and I added cute 'found' shutters on top.  She kept saying you can "use" my desk, I'll "share".  What that really meant in birdie language used it, now I want it back.  Yep, it was in the shop for about a week.  Birdie would come into the shop and say "I need my desk back, bring it home, dad can get it".  It was cute actually.  To her, she was sharing, letting me 'use' her desk.

Here is old (week old) booth:

We had a plumbing issue last week and water came through her wall from our bathroom, ruining her carpet.  We had to pull out her carpet and as it sits {for now} she has the yucky concrete floors and a pretty new rug on top.  In doing so, I moved her bed over to the wall and she had a nice space to play.  I thought the desk/vanity would look good back in her room in its old spot.  See, I cannot stay focused on any one thing, for any length of time...but her room looks cute {for now}.

Now, you must know my dear sweet, patient hubby made this booth for me.  He is a "rigger extraordinare".  He has the vision in wood, tools, man talk.  I have a different vision...pretty, not necessarily functional or practical, just pretty.  That is where it is hard for hubs and I to work too closely on projects like this.  I have my jobs and and he has his.  He calls me when he is ready for me or wants my help...then and only then.  "Go on, now git", that is usually what I hear.  Whatever works, right!  So, here is the grand booth he made from free scraps and a few purchases from a habitat restore.  He is so clever, I think I'll keep him...{wink}

So, this is the much anticipated "BOOTH" and its name sake...Birdie.  She loves her posing and of course having her desk back makes her happy too.  We are all happy.  Hubs, because this contraption is out of 'his' garage; Me, because we did it 'somewhat' together; and Birdie gets her good 'ol desk back in her room.  Thank you Lord for giving us this creativity.  Now Lord, could you please just make it a success...I'm not asking much, am I?

Like I said, start of school and lots of projects, always keeping busy.  Not too busy though.  I have started a new Bible study on Tuesday mornings and I think I'm gonna like it very much.  It has a little homework, but that keeps me in His Word.  I leave you with the verse I need to memorize:

"...but the righteous will live by faith-" Habakkuk 2:4

This is a study on having faith when life is not fair, right or just.

Until next time,
Serving Him,

Friday, August 26, 2011

Catching Up!

I have trouble keeping my focus on one, two, no three areas.  Let me just admit it now, I am not good at multi-tasking.  I think I've mentioned that before, though.
I have birdie back in school so I have A Lot more time to "do" stuff, but there always seems to be too much stuff to do.  Thankfully I get the family laundry done and put away, and mostly keep the house picked up.  So, why do I still feel so out of it?  Maybe because I am at a loss without my baby bird in her, that can't be it.  I cherish my alone time, sad but true!  I so enjoy quiet, and when hubs is gone off to work and the bird is off at school, my house is totally quiet.  No TV, no music playing, just quiet.  Aahhhh!  Does anyone else crave quiet like I do?  (I know my dad does.)  There is so much noise in the world today with TV, computers, and music.  All great stuff, just so noisy.  I even try to steal away into my "woman cave" (my craft room), but you can only shut out the noise so much.  They need to do their "thing" when they get home, so I try to enjoy the quiet while they are away.  There, I've said it out loud for the world to know...I am a home body like my bird and crave quiet...boring, I know.  But that's me.

However, I have been busy, (in my attemp at multi-tasking) to get stuff ready for my booth.  I start it September 1st, so I have been making and creating.  Will definitely be posting pictures once I'm finished and the booth itself is ready.  Really excited and feel so crafty, just wish I didn't have "chores" to keep calling me away from the fun/crafty work I need/want to do.  Doesn't everyone feel that way about their hobbies/favorite past-times?  But life must goes on...

I am trying to get caught up on things I didn't do this summer because I said to myself, "I'll do this and that once birdie is back in school".  That time has arrived, now where do I begin.  Like working out!  I have been horrible at this task.  I know how much I need to do it, I have just had NO desire and therefore I haven't worked out all.  Shame on me.  But with the cooler weather approaching, I'll do more.  At least that is what I'm telling myself.  I have not been motivated at all this summer to workout, or do much of anything productive.  I gotta snap out of my funk and get busy.

I leave you with a verse I just found:

" should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."  1 Peter 3:4

I have a long way to go to get to the gentle and quiet spirit that is pleasing to the Lord.  But I am a work in progress, but at least I'm trying.

For the next post, I will be writing about our recent trip to Glorieta for a family retreat.  It was a fabulous hang on to your seats in anticipation!

Until Next Time,
Serving Him,

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

First Day of School Parts I & II!

Well, it has happened, whether I wanted it to or not.  The dreaded first day of MIDDLE school!  And guess what?  We both survived...Birdie was eager to get out of bed this morning, which only happens when there is something special to look forward to.  In her book, today was one of those days.  Thank goodness for small miracles!  So getting ready earlier than years before - to ride the bus - was a piece of cake... today.  Tomorrow will be anybodies guess.  She was happy and giddy and pleasant, yay for mom.  We had already set out the weeks worth of clothes, so there wouldn't be any fighting, so no drama in the clothing department this morning, and breakfast and all the usual stuff of brushing hair and teeth went smoothly as well.  Shew!  Then on to pictures.  Well, you gotta have proof of the first day of school, K-12, and thus far, we are now at 7th grade.  Getting birdie to pose for the camera is always easy.  This is one of her favorite past-times.  Getting pictures taken and posing...see!  Then, we hear the rumble of the bus coming and she is jumping up and down in the drive way.  Not only that, but her fellow bus companions are standing up ready to greet her getting on the bus.  These kids are so sweet and really love each other.  Off they go down the street, and I start walking back to the house and it just hits me.  There goes my baby, and here come the tears...yes, even at 13 years old, my birdie leaving for big 'ol junior high makes me cry.

Is it all moms, at all stages, or is it just me?  Please tell me I'm not alone in this.  So, I sit down sobbing and praying, (thankful God can understand my gibberish) for the Lord to watch over her and protect her.  And HE did!  She did fine, as I knew would be the case, but we have such a hard time letting go, don't we?  We both survived the day.  I drove up the long route to pick birdie up on her first day; had told her yesterday I would and then we would celebrate with ice cream and she could tell me all about her day.  I spoke with her teacher and she said my bird had a good day, but was tired.  Its tough on a gal going through all the rigors of middle school.  Then we headed to town for that much deserved ice cream...mostly for momma!  I had a rough day, ya know.  She told me a few details but I'm sure by bedtime more stories will surface.  But we got through the infamous 1st day of Middle school.  Part I - the dread, the fears.   Part II - she did just fine and my baby bird is back home in her nest.  Maybe momma bird will sleep like a baby tonight...

God is so good, He cares for us and knows all our fears and silly worries, but wants us to bring them to Him anyway, and them leave them with Him.  That is the harder part for me.  Bringing them...easy.  Leaving them...still a work in progress.  Well, I am exhausted!

Until next time,
Serving Him,

Saturday, August 6, 2011

What's Cooking!

Cookin' in my brain that is...I will be opening a booth (in the little store I work in), in September.  I am really excited and a tad intimidated.  Why?  Well, there are two other booths in the store that do awesome stuff.  Actually there are several booths in the store, all with great stuff.  But the two I'm referring to are great.  I'm not trying to compare myself or my stuff with theirs, our items will be different.  I just don't want to flop and fail miserably next to their booths.
**We are not to compare ourselves with others, we all have our gifts and talents**

These other two booths are great and so creative, I just need to let my style shine.  It is for the glory of the Lord, not me.  He is the one, afterall, that gave me these talents, right?  Well, like I've said before, I think I found my niche.  I get to work in a cute, quaint little store and be around people and that takes care of my need for socialization and craftiness.  Yay!  Thank you Lord for directing my path and that I finally was listening and paying attention...It took me a while to get to this point, but here I am!!  Slow learner I guess, or is it stubborn?

Plus, birdie has been able to be with me at the store and during this last week while we have been repainting and getting it ready to open under the new owner.  She has a ball there and thinks she is helping and has been the a matter of sorts.

I took birdie and her best bud to the city the other day to "hang out".  I drug  brought them along while I did a super duper shopping spree, buying stuff and junk to make for my booth.  Birdie's buddy kept asking, "are you done yet?".  They had a grand ol' time cruzing around Hobby Lobby and Goodwill, though.  Both of them have cell phones and I entered all appropriate phone numbers in all our phones before we went into the 1st store.  They took off to "wander" and let me get my crafting mojo going.  As you can imagine, my phone rang about 100 times.  "Hi mom!", "where are you?", "what are you doing?", "can we go yet?", but it was surprisingly a good time had by all 3 of us.  They had a great time back together since being off for summer.  Their teacher used to call them "Frick & Frack".  Said they fought like an old married couple...heehee.  Then I took them to their favorite place to eat...I tried so hard to persuade them to go elsewhere.  Can you guess where we ended up for lunch???  Yep, McDonald's!  Oh well, they were happy.  Then we went to the movies...we saw "The Smurfs" , and they had a great time laughing.  So, all in all, it was a great outing.  I got my shopping done, they were able to wander without me hovering, and they had lunch and a movie.  Good times!  Birdies phone is getting low on minutes, but she and her bud were cute!

So, that is what I've been doing this week, oh, and also had to register birdie at middle school.  We got caught in a rain storm, so that helped take away my apprehensions and need for tears.  We were SOAKED!  Got through it, now I have to get through the 1st day of school/1st week, however long it may take.  But, at least I have plenty of things to keep me occupied.  Working on my booth.  Lord help me...

Until next time,
Serving Him, Christina